I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
