I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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