just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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