i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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