I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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