Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize