please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
