Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
