So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Your penis caused this!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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