why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
