remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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