my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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