I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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