How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
