Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
