i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
