ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
