Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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