She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
