god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
