Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
