genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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