You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Shitshow foam night was such a success
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
