i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
