how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
