I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
