I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
