Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
