I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
