Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize