after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize