So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
