either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
