i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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