so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Pants are for mortals
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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