fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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