i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
