So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
