I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
