She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
