So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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