Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
