I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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