Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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