no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
