Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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