I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
