Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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