State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
