I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
