May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
