Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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