I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
