I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
