Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
