I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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