i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
