And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
