My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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