I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
