I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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