i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
