My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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