Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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