What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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