how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
