my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
