my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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