That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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