Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
