Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
