he shaved USA in his pubs
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize