Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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