He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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