I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
