I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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