No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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