Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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