there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
