U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
