To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
