Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
