What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
