So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
