I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
