It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
