I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
