Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
