So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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