i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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