She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
