I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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