you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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