You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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