no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
