Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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