I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
