i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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