he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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